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  • Writer's pictureSavitha Enner

I do not Know

2020, this symmetrical number which somehow promised balance just being a number

(because we have tendency to find meaning in everything) lashed out such fear none of us anticipated. No one year is the same as the precious however perfect it was, we know that and we anticipate some newness and unpredictability but last year we collectively experienced the feeling of fear and helpless like none. In the past whenever we have encountered a problem or a question , we always looked for guidance from a professional, a healer, a leader , an elder, a friend , a teacher , a parent and sometimes we have been fortunate enough to have helped others. But in the last 9 months, the constant answer to all the questions have been "I do not know". I have received that answers a 100times , said that to my kids a hundred times and to myself a thousand times. I have realized that "I do not know" is not necessarily a bad thing but a possibility beyond my perception. It has sneaked fear of death of my near ones ,grieving I did not know existed, loss of unknown but also and has made space for late mornings, midnight movie watching, picnics on the deck, teaching online, learning online, tutoring my kids, more home projects, new friendships, renewed relationships, and simplifying my life more than ever.

Happy new year ! Hoping to explore more in the space of "I do not Know "

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