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  • Writer's pictureSavitha Enner

Buy, collect , gather

"What are you doing ?"

"I lost my keys in the bedroom and I am looking for them."

"Why are you looking for them in the kitchen?"

"Because, the light is better here. "

What we are looking for is not clear for a long time. It takes sitting with thoughts and emotions with patience and persistence. Once we have it, where we look for is as important. If we keep searching for something important in wrong places , we eventually will give up as we not are born with infinite patience or time.

Personally I have always looked for joy, happiness and peace.

I tried collecting people,

I strived to please people for approval

I tried to find it in constant company of others

I tried through seeking attention

I tried collecting things,

Beautiful watches ( they were my weakness), shoes and clothing

Unique antiques for my home

Also books, fiction and non fiction alike

I tried hobbies,

Antique shopping to fill my home

Gardening and cooking to fill my kitchen

Traveling to collect experiences

I tried learning,

Painting to explore colors

Dancing to explore rhythm

Yoga to explore my body and mind

But what I was looking for was not be found.

As I often sit down in stillness , I am discovering that it was always within me .

Mindful practices has not solved my worldly problems. I still cannot count well

( disgrace to my Indian family), I still pay late fees on my credit cards and library books , sometimes show up late for my appointments, my weakness for potato chips persists, chewing loudly still bothers me and so does my kids inability to keep their rooms clean. I forget to email back on time, I binge on Netflix and I still have weak ankles. Most of all I recognize my ability to hide behind the curtain of my insecurities when challenges arise.

But now, what I buy , collect and gather comes from a place of appreciation. What I have is peace, joy and happiness within me irrespective of what I own.



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